Jake Uitti


Who is Jake Uitti?

Jake Uitti is a Seattle-based writer whose work has appeared in the Seattle Times, The Washington Post and Alaska Airlines Magazine. 


More fun facts

  • I was fired from Whole Foods for steeling a sandwich.
  • I served Dave Matthews beer.
  • I used to write for a women’s magazine called Peaches.
  • I played basketball for fifteen years and never dunked.
  • For a long time Charles Bukowski was my hero.
  • I’ve eaten balut in Vietnam.
  • I sleep with a fan whirring by my head year-round.


Jake Uitti's questions for Siren members

Followed by his own personal answers!

What fictional universe would you most like to live in?

Already established? The one from Hook with Robin Williams. All that delicious imagined food, all that flying and island life. Sounds amazing! But if I were to make up my own? One where everyone can jump 50 feet in the air, money comes from actual sweating and there was no soda pop anywhere. 

What's the best compliment you've ever received? 

That I'm a good listener - that's the first one that comes to mind. But also one time I asked someone what he thought of my writing and he said it had a lot of heart. The idea that "heart" comes through in the sentences I write, that's the best. When I grow up I want to own and run a retreat that takes care of people and so I hope that same sort of heart shines through there. 

What public person do you secretly find attractive? Why?

I used to think Meryl Streep was hot but then she showed herself to be basically not with it and so that crush-from-afar went out the window. My first celebrity crush was the Lady Fox from Disney's animated Robin Hood and the person I found most attractive in college was Rosario Dawson. Now, though? Amelia Bonow is pretty cute.

What's a moment that changed the course of your life in a way you could have only noticed in retrospect?

A year or two after college my friend Matt said he was moving to Seattle with his girlfriend at the time. I'd spent my college years hanging with him on the weekends and we made music and smoked weed together after we graduated. I was sad, though happy for him, when he told me he was moving from our hometown of Princeton, NJ. In retrospect, after having moved there two years after he did upon hearing all the stories of musicians and artists in the city, I'm so glad his girlfriend got into graduate school at UW.

How do you think you'd react if someone in the room needed first aid?

Well, I ask this, because one time in the bar I work at a guy was choking. Like, really choking. He couldn't breathe or talk. So I ran up to him after hearing someone say, "Does anyone know the heimlich??" I didn't really, but I remember seeing people perform it in high school or middle school. So I gave him the best version of it I could and he lived. 

If you had $5000 to donate to any charity or cause what would it be?

Without a doubt, Black Lives Matter. It's the most influential collection of traditionally marginalized people on earth. What they manage to do to bring eyeballs to necessary change is unparalleled. 

Who do you know that inspires you to be a better, more sincere person?

It's lame or cliche or whatever, but I'd say my partner. She opens my eyes to worlds I've never experienced - I'm never bored for a second with her, which is how I know its going well. 


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